the blind leading the blind..

i write this next entry in complete humility and utter vulnerability.. over this entire TREK experience i've had no idea what i was heading into or where i was heading to. everything that's made sense, everything that i've planned or has been planned for me has changed so many times over not just TREK but just leading up to this time that i honestly don't know what to think.

ultimately, my God is bigger than any obstacle i face, bigger than anything we as a team face, but sometimes He chooses to do things that to us.. doesn't make any sense. what i'm getting at is that God is unpredictable and has clearly shown that to me over this past year! plan after plan has been changed and flexibility has become synonomous with who i've been forced to become..

shortly into this TREK the teams were selected. i was stoked. at the end of october i was to head to brasil with 5 other amazing people! we connected in such a sweet way and just were pumped to get going. soon after we hit some bumps in the road.. we went from a team of 6 to a team of 5 to eventually a team of 4 with a whole bunch of things in between.. and it was tough. throughout the whole thing my team astonished me at the level of calm and just hopeful joy in everything. not once did our team experience conflict among one another. we were at times frustrated, scared, anxious but never did we take this out on each other. it was incredible..

God was and is at work though! we went from a team of 4 back to a team of 5 and finally returned to a team of 6! it was an awesome time and we were celebrating and joyful beyond belief. there was an awesome sense of just completion and readiness to get to brasil.. as a week and a half after being reunited as a team we were to head off! in the midst of a celebration God knocked us down a peg.. and another, at the time almost laughable, roadblock appeared. our visas had returned to the Mark Centre and wouldn't you know it? they'd all been stoutly denied.. well with the amount of confidence we had that God was to do amazing things with our team, strictly because of the immense opposition we've already been through, we kind of shrugged and went to bed! en la manhana was our attitude. meaning in the morning. so we left it..

the morning came and a van full of us departed on a journey of our own.. to downtown vancouver.. objective? sweet talk the brasillian consulate into accepting us and processing our visas within the next week! speeding up their normal processing time by 3 times the norm. an impossible task? not at all! God was on our side and we were positive that we'd leave visas in hand! after an hour of back and forth dialogue we left the embassy discouraged, dissapointed and completely exhausted.. not only did we not have our visas but hope of ever getting them diminished and we left that place feeling very helpless..

since that day, only yesterday, i am in a place of complete and utter vulnerability. as team leader of a team that's got no clue of direction.. the phrase, the blind leading the blind comes to mind.. it's never been so real to me. as i truly have no idea where this whole thing's going or what's going to happen.. and in this situation i am a blindman.. but being blind is a blessing in its own. because although the view is completely muddy God's view is completely clear. and through this i just need to continue relying on Him. and that's easy enough.. because i've got nothing else to rely on.. relying on self is no longer a possibility.. so in this i've learnt complete peace and in this i decide to completely entrust my life and my future to God.. as honestly.. i have no other choice..